Fwd: Groaners

 

Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson. 

 

She was only a moonshiner's daughter, but I miss her still. 

 

What do you call a pig with laryngitis?  Disgruntled. 

 

Why do bees stay in their hives during winter?  Swarm. 

 

Just so everyone is clear, I'm going to put on my glasses. 

 

A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone a round. 

 

I lost my job as a stage designer, but I left without making a scene. 

 

Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars. 

 

How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?  A buccaneer. 

 

I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough. 

 

My friends and I have named our band 'Duvet.' It's a cover band. 

 

I lost my girlfriend's audiobook, and now I'll never hear the end of it. 

 

Why is 'dark' spelled with a k and not c?  Because you can't 'c' in the dark. 

 

Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock?  Time will tell. 

 

When I told my contractor I didn't want carpeted steps, he gave me a blank stare. 

 

Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar, and the bartender says, "Oh no, not U2 again." 

 

Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it's a whole sentence. 

 

Scientists got together to study effects of alcohol on a person's walk, and the result was staggering. 

 

I'm trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find. 

 

I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts.  I won't lie - it was a rocky road. 

 

What do you say to comfort a friend who's struggling with grammar? There, their, they're. 

 

I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarzenegger action figures were, and he replied, "Aisle B, back." 

 

What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision?  Suture self. 

 

I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.  It's all about raisin awareness.

 

 

Fwd From a friend: Free Covid home tests

 

https://special.usps.com/testkits

I just did this. Takes one minute. 

Faked out.

A few laughs.

A few laughs, not always politically correct. You were warned.

Glenn

No thanks!

What's your return policy? by John Darkow, Columbia Missourian

--   Sent from my Linux system.

At the library

Our place in the universe - now THAT'S amazing.

Whether you're feeling on top of the world or thinking that life couldn't get worse, one thing is true: Earth--and thus all of its problems and successes--are pretty small. Don't believe me? Check out this video by BuzzFeedBlue that compares the size of the Earth to the other planets in our solar system, as well as other stars, the galaxy, and beyond. Despite our microscopic presence in the Universe, it's pretty cool that we're here at all.

Prepare to have your mind blown here:

https://youtu.be/gIbfYsQfNWs

Yet, in all of that, here we are.

--   Sent from my Linux system.

Miyoko Shida Rigolo - "The Sanddorn Balance" - Simply jaw-dropping!

Miyoko Shida Rigolo's great balance

https://youtu.be/-GTvyRWfsls

 

Feedback

My how time flies when you're telling lies

--   Sent from my Linux system.

Remembrance

Go snow