Thursday, December 23, 2021
Sent from my Linux system.
Tuesday, December 21, 2021
Helen and Glenn
-- Sent from my Linux system.
Tuesday, December 7, 2021
John Travolta tested negative for coronavirus. Turns out it was just Saturday night fever.
The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear. WHO let the dogs out.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself, "That's the last thing I need."
Intelligence is like underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y ?
A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason ... details are sketchy.
People are making end of the world jokes like there's no tomorrow.
Whatever you do, always give 100% ... unless you're donating blood.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin' Catholic.
What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth ? Someday my prints will come.
A girl said she recognized me from her vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
Dad, are we pyromaniacs ? Yes, we arson.
I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps but I'm slowly getting over it.
What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short.
I've finally told my suitcases there will be no holiday this year. Now I'm dealing with the emotional baggage.
If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator ?
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting "be positive," but it's hard without him.
Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
Monday, December 6, 2021
Saturday, December 4, 2021
(19) Thomas Massie on Twitter: "Merry Christmas! 🎄 ps. Santa, please bring ammo. 🎁 https://t.co/NVawULhCNr" / Twitter
> Rep. Thomas Massie (R-Ky.) tweeted a Christmas photo of his family Saturday in which they're all
> holding guns and smiling in front of a Christmas tree, with the caption: "Merry Christmas! ps.
> Santa, please bring ammo," days after a mass shooting at a Michigan high school sparked renewed
> calls for gun control measures.
I think the whole family should head on over to Oakland County, Michigan, don't you?
Sent from my Linux system.
Sunday, November 21, 2021
Friday, November 19, 2021
I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers.Now they drink like their fathers…I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.I decided to stop calling the bathroom the 'John' and renamed itthe 'Jim'. I feel so much better saying "I went to the Jim this morning".Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a childI thought "Nap Time" was a punishment. Now, as a grownup,it feels like a small vacation.The biggest lie I tell myself is... "I don't needto write that down, I'll remember it."I don't have grey hair; I have "wisdom highlights"I'm just very wise.Don't ever ask me to bend down and touch my toes. If Godwanted me to touch my toes, she would have put them on my knees.Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.Of course I talk to myself: sometimes I need expert advice.At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a roomand remembering what I came in there for.Actually I'm not complaining becauseI am a Senager. (Senior teenager):I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only years later.- I don't have to go to school or work.- I have a driver's license and my own car.- I get an allowance every month.- I have my own iPad (although I can't recall where I kept it)- I don't have a curfew.Life is great.I have more friends I should send this to, but right nowI can't remember their names.Now, I'm wondering… did I send this to you? Or vice versa
Thursday, November 11, 2021
And while we're on the subject of GOP antics, here's last week in the Republican Party:
And just in case you missed it, both of these videos were generated by the Republicans of The
I often find myself wishing that the Democrats at the top could hammer at the lunatic right the way
Sent from my Linux system.
Wednesday, November 10, 2021
Monday, October 25, 2021
It's a five minute walk from my house to the pub
It's a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house
The difference is staggering
Turns out it was a marble in the ashtray...
People who wonder
whether the glass is half empty or half full
are missing the point.
The glass is refillable.
*They say every piece of chocolate eaten
shortens your life by two minutes.
I've done the math.
Seems I died in 1537.
I got myself a seniors' GPS.
Not only does it tell me how to get to my destination,
it tells me why I wanted to go there.
Most people don't think I'm as old as I am
until they hear me stand up.
Had I known in March
that it was the last time I would be in a restaurant
I would have ordered the dessert.
I don't always go the extra mile,
but when I do
it's because I've missed my exit....
If agent orange is true to form, this will probably NOT get him to shut up. ...
At this point fewer than half the chapter's members have registered for this virtual talk. I heard an earlier vers...