I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. 

Now they drink like their fathers…

 

I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

 

I decided to stop calling the bathroom the 'John' and renamed it 

the 'Jim'. I feel so much better saying "I went to the Jim this morning".

 

Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child 

I thought "Nap Time" was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, 

it feels like a small vacation.

 

The biggest lie I tell myself is... "I don't need 

to write that down, I'll remember it."

 

I don't have grey hair; I have "wisdom highlights" 

I'm just very wise.

 

Don't ever ask me to bend down and touch my toes. If God 

wanted me to touch my toes, she would have put them on my knees.

 

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

 

Of course I talk to myself: sometimes I need expert advice.

 

At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room 

and remembering what I came in there for.

 

Actually I'm not complaining because 

I am a Senager. (Senior teenager):

 

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only years later.

- I don't have to go to school or work.

- I have a driver's license and my own car.

- I get an allowance every month.

- I have my own iPad (although I can't recall where I kept it)

- I don't have a curfew.

 

Life is great.

 

I have more friends I should send this to, but right now 

I can't remember their names.

 

 Now, I'm wondering… did I send this to you? Or vice versa