Tuesday, December 7, 2021

I only laugh when it hurts

 

 

Groaners

John Travolta tested negative for coronavirus. Turns out it was just Saturday night fever.

 

The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear. WHO let the dogs out.

 

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself, "That's the last thing I need."

 

Intelligence is like underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.

 

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y ?

 

A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason ... details are sketchy.

 

People are making end of the world jokes like there's no tomorrow.

 

Whatever you do, always give 100% ... unless you're donating blood.

 

What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin' Catholic.

 

What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth ? Someday my prints will come.

 

A girl said she recognized me from her vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

 

Dad, are we pyromaniacs ? Yes, we arson.

 

I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps but I'm slowly getting over it.

 

What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short.

 

I've finally told my suitcases there will be no holiday this year. Now I'm dealing with the emotional baggage.

 

If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator ?

 

My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting "be positive," but it's hard without him.

 

Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

 

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