Mob bosses

If you're happy and you know it, it's your meds.

•        I'm at the age where my mind still thinks I'm 29, my sense of humor suggests I'm 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I'm sure I'm not dead yet.
•        Getting older is like being a haunted house.  There are sounds and smells that cannot be explained.
•        Do you know how weird it is being the same age as old people?
•        You know you're getting old when you barely do anything all day, but still need a nap to continue to do barely anything.
•        You know you're old when you go to bed at the time you used to go out.
•        You know you're getting old when you can't walk past a bathroom without thinking, "I may as weel while I'm here."
•        I feel that there are a number of advantages to having gotten older.  I just can't seem to remember them, though.

•        I used to be able to do cartwheels. Now I tip over putting on my underwear.
•        Al told me I should embrace my mistakes... so I hugged him.
•        At my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next.
•        I thought growing old would take longer.
•        I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing. Retraced my steps, got lost on the way back. Now I have no idea what's going on.
•        I think the reason we are born with two hands is so we can pet two dogs at once.
•        Day 12 without chocolate. Lost hearing in my left eye.
•        Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
•        The adult version of "head, shoulders, knees and toes" is "wallet, glasses, keys and phone." Or, spectacles, testicles, wallet, and watch.
•        A dog accepts you as the boss... a cat wants to see your resume.
•        Oops.... did I roll my eyes out loud?
•        Wi-fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people.
•        If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I'm self-employed; we're having a staff meeting.
•        I won't be impressed with technology until I can download food.
•        Some people call me crazy. I prefer happy with a twist.
•        My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffers from mental illness. I said, "No, we all seem to enjoy it."
•        I really don't mind getting old, but my body is having a major fit.
•        Camping: where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.
•        Al told me he wanted to be cremated. I made him an appointment for Tuesday.
•        Measure once, cuss twice..
•        I've reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.
•        If you're happy and you know it, it's your meds.

Of dumb s**** and drag queens.

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The difference, part 2

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