Spawn

Adam Zyglis | Copyright 2022 Cagle Cartoons

Steve Breen | Copyright 2022 Creators Syndicate

Bill Bramhall | Copyright 2022 Tribune Content Agency

Save business cards of people you don’t like.

The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.

Be decisive.  Right or wrong, make a decision.  The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision.

"The starting pay is $40,000.  Later it can go up to $80,000." Great.  I'll start later."

Trust science.  Studies show that if your parents didn't have children there's a high probability you won't either.

If you're not called crazy when you start something new, then you're not thinking big enough.

Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupe melons and no one asks, "What the Hell is wrong with you?"

Tip: Save business cards of people you don't like.  If you ever hit a parked car accidentally, just write, "Sorry" on the back and leave it on the windshield.

When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

Just once, I want the username and password prompt to say, "Close enough."

Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I've ever done.

If you see me talking to myself, just move along.  I'm self employed.  We're having a meeting.

"Your call is very important to us.  Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo".

I envy people who grow old gracefully.  They age like a fine wine. I'm ageing like milk: Getting sour and chunky.

Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?

I hate it when I can't figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep.   He's 5 and it's past his bedtime. 

Today's 3 year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.

Tip for a successful marriage: Don't ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she's mowing the lawn.

So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?

‘You unleash hell on your kids’: Central Texas mom warns parents about ‘Hocus Pocus 2′

Why am I not surprised that this comes straight out of Texas? Disney, ignore this woman. She
worships power, not God.

https://www.kwtx.com/2022/10/05/you-unleash-hell-your-kids-central-texas-mom-warns-community-about-hocus-pocus-2/

--
Sent from my Linux system.

Declasse

Papered

Artists take on Hurricane Ian aid, climate change, and more Clay Jones | Copyright 2022 Claytoonz.com Bill Bramhall | Copyright 2022 Tribune Content Agency Walt Handelsman | Copyright 2022 Tribune Content Agency

Fwd: Today is the day.

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed.

 

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

 

'What's the matter, dear' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?

 

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'.

 

She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

 

The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating, I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.

 

Once again, the wife is touched to tears. 'Yes, I do' she replies.

 

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car'?

 

'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.

 

The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to prison for 20 years'?

 

'I remember that, too' she replied softly.

 

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have gotten out today."

You are about to exceed the limits of my medication

 

 

 

My Body is a Temple - My Body is a Temple - Uh-huhUh-huh