Tucker Carlson Enters Rehab After Texts Show Him Telling Truth
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Tucker Carlson announced that he has checked into a rehab facility after recently revealed text messages showed him telling the truth.
In a heartfelt statement, the former television personality said that using the truth was "a problem I never thought I'd have. I always thought it was the kind of thing that happened to other people."
Carlson said that he would remain at the facility, Alternatives Malibu, until he is "a hundred per cent truth-free."He also implored his fans not to judge him by the accurate statements that he made in his texts. "This is not who I am," he said. "I'm going to beat this thing."
In what some close associates of Carlson's have taken as a hopeful sign, he has not actually checked into a rehab facility of any kind.
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Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
-- Sent from my Linux system.
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