Some truly awful puns, and an equally bad joke

The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize. No one knew she had a dental implant until it came out in a conversation. I wrote a novel about a fellow who had a small garden. It didn't have much of a plot. The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickeless. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.) Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn't resistor. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. Yesterday I accidentally swallowed food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside. I thought she had PMS, but she was just ovary acting. I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds. Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed. I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn't help me. The Shredder A young officer is working late at the Pentagon one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8:00 p.m. he sees a General standing by the classified document shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand. "Do you know how to work this thing?" the General asks. "My secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it." "Yes, sir," says the young officer, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the General, and feeds it in. (PAUSE) "Now," says the General, "I just need one copy.....