'No Way To Prevent This,' Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
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MADISON, WI—In the hours following a violent rampage in Wisconsin in which a lone attacker killed at least two individuals and injured six others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Monday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place. "This was a terrible tragedy, but sometimes these things just happen and there's nothing anyone can do to stop them," said Maryland resident Jonathan Pallard, echoing sentiments expressed by tens of millions of individuals who reside in a nation where over half of the world's deadliest mass shootings have occurred in the past 50 years and whose citizens are 20 times more likely to die of gun violence than those of other developed nations. "It's a shame, but what can we do? There really wasn't anything that was going to keep this individual from snapping and killing a lot of people if that's what they really wanted." At press time, residents of the only economically advanced nation in the world where roughly two mass shootings have occurred every month for the past eight years were referring to themselves and their situation as "helpless."
We have taken another proud, collective stride toward dystopia.
A bankruptcy court has denied the sale of InfoWars following a month of drawn-out legal proceedings. The experience was long and punishing for all involved, and the final outcome is inconclusive: The InfoWars assets remain in limbo. Everything is now in doubt and everyone is worse off than before.
In short, it is the kind of world we at Global Tetrahedron have always envisioned. One in which wealth begets wealth, power begets power, and the process itself inflicts daily suffering on innocent parties for no reason.
On a personal level, witnessing this saga has been nothing short of inspiring. To see such naked contempt for truth and humanity—to have front-row seats as a parade of mercenary goons disfigure the English language with blunt-force bravado—is a dream come true for the 10-year-old boy in me who grew up idolizing greats like George Wallace and Idi Amin.
And as I reflect on how lucky I am, I find myself wishing others could share in this experience. I believe that everyone, at least once in their life, should know the joy of being locked in a byzantine financial struggle to own InfoWars.com.
That is why my message to you today is one of hope. This is not the end for Global Tetrahedron. When the night seems dark, we can still make it darker and profit from darkness arbitrage markets. When the world seems to have died, it is possible to extract significant economic value from its slouching corpse. And no matter what, transnational global capital always wins.
So as we close this long chapter of uncertainty and dread and immediately open another much longer chapter of uncertainty and dread, I hope you will all follow along. Untapped acres of time stretch forward without limit, and the name on the deed is ours.
A NASA software engineer for more than 20 years (retired), Egyptology hobbyist and ARCE-NC board of directors member for more than 25 years, former reporter and copy editor for the Kansas City Star and Louisville Courier-Journal. I favor open source development, Linux, network neutrality, medical care as a right and not a privilege, the ACLU, freedom of religion, separation of church and state, and freedom of speech, among other things.
