Saturday, December 14, 2024

A Message Of Hope From Global Tetrahedron - The Onion

https://theonion.com/a-message-of-hope-from-global-tetrahedron/?mc_cid=3479afbf6b

A Message Of Hope From Global Tetrahedron

By Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO

Bryce P. Tetraeder

We have taken another proud, collective stride toward dystopia.

A bankruptcy court has denied the sale of InfoWars following a month of drawn-out legal proceedings. The experience was long and punishing for all involved, and the final outcome is inconclusive: The InfoWars assets remain in limbo. Everything is now in doubt and everyone is worse off than before.

In short, it is the kind of world we at Global Tetrahedron have always envisioned. One in which wealth begets wealth, power begets power, and the process itself inflicts daily suffering on innocent parties for no reason.

On a personal level, witnessing this saga has been nothing short of inspiring. To see such naked contempt for truth and humanity—to have front-row seats as a parade of mercenary goons disfigure the English language with blunt-force bravado—is a dream come true for the 10-year-old boy in me who grew up idolizing greats like George Wallace and Idi Amin.

And as I reflect on how lucky I am, I find myself wishing others could share in this experience. I believe that everyone, at least once in their life, should know the joy of being locked in a byzantine financial struggle to own InfoWars.com.

That is why my message to you today is one of hope. This is not the end for Global Tetrahedron. When the night seems dark, we can still make it darker and profit from darkness arbitrage markets. When the world seems to have died, it is possible to extract significant economic value from its slouching corpse. And no matter what, transnational global capital always wins.

So as we close this long chapter of uncertainty and dread and immediately open another much longer chapter of uncertainty and dread, I hope you will all follow along. Untapped acres of time stretch forward without limit, and the name on the deed is ours.

Your role will soon become clear. Stand by.

Infinite Growth Forever,

Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO

--   Sent from my Linux system.

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