Don't mess with old people (like me)

 

Some old ones and some new ones. But all good.....

 

 

 

 

Reprise of Getting Older

 

George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turnoff the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me ." Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy, you should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available" George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.   "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating them right now," and he hung up. Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.   One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"   (True Story)   Don't mess with old people A few chuckles for seniors. GETTING OLDER   A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.."   *********************** An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he askedto speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...." ( I LOVE THIS !) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love to hear them say "you don't look that old."   ------------------------------ --- The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. (Mostly because we forgot why we were waiting in line in the first place !!) ------------------------------ --- Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.   ******************** When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.   ------------------------------ - One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. ~~~~~~~~~~~ Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. ********* First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper... it's worse when you forget to pull it down. ```````````````` Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too... I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?" The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?' To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours." (ADORABLE)   ********************* (And this final one especially for me,) "Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth!"   Now, if you feel this doesn't apply to you . . . stick around awhile . . it will!

 

Good friends are like quilts,
they age with you and yet,
they never lose their warmth.
Take good care of them.

 

 

 

Hannity's attacks on Biden - or is he going after someone else?

If you're not tired of watching YouTube videos about raving lunatics, you might want to watch this one from the beginning. However, the link actually picks up where Kimmel is talking about Hannity.

Jimmy Kimmel Responds to Marjorie Taylor Greene After She Reported Him to Police

Jimmy Kimmel Responds to Marjorie Taylor Greene After She Reported Him t...

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(304) New Rule: Bath Salt Conservatism | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO) - YouTube

Bill Maher on the Republican Party. If foul language offends you (and I mean from the Republicans,
not Maher), don't click on the following link.

Glenn

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9MX37aA6lM

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Rock Chalk Jayhawk KU!

If you don't know what I'm babbling about, don't worry about it.

Glenn

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Fwd: FW: Old Car Ads

This one's for old-timers. 

Glenn

 

These are on a par with the old "cigarettes are good for you" ads! It's a wonder we survived!

YET WE SURVIVED. MAYBE THERE WERE BETTER DRIVERS BACK THEN?

 

 

 

(179) Last Week in the Republican Party - March 29, 2022 - YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNm6-1cvpXk

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Welcome to the circus

‘I’ll Stand on the Side of Russia’: Pro-Putin Sentiment Spreads Online - The New York Times

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/02/25/technology/russia-supporters.html

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How the Far Right Faction of the GOP is embracing the Russian invasion of the Ukraine

https://www.thedailybeast.com/how-russian-disinformation-goes-from-the-kremlin-to-qanon-to-fox-news

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Link between high cholesterol and heart disease 'inconsistent', new study finds

https://medicalxpress.com/news/2022-03-link-high-cholesterol-heart-disease.html

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Curmudgeonly

Life of Fred Math (Fan Club)

Fan Page

    · 

These insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

1. "He had delusions of adequacy " Walter Kerr

2. "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."- Winston Churchill

3. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. - Clarence Darrow

4. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

5. "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

6. "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

7. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

8. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

9. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

10. "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response

11. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here" - Stephen Bishop

12. "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

13. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

14. "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

15. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up. - Paul Keating

16. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

17. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

18. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

19. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

20. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

21. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

22. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

23. The exchange between Winston Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

24. "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

25. "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -- Jack E. Leonard

26. "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." -- Thomas Brackett Reed

27. "He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." -- James Reston (about Richard Nixon) —Robert L Truesdell

Monstrosity

Mike Luckovich for March 15, 2022

 

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War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.

>>
>> Points of Enlightenment
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Al McGuire
>>
>> "The only mystery in life is why
>> the kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Albert Einstein
>>
>> "The difference between
>> stupidity and genius
>> is that genius has its limits."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Ambrose Bierce
>>
>> "War is God's way of teaching
>> Americans geography."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Andy Borowitz
>>
>> "It would be nice to spend billions
>> on schools and roads, but right now
>>
>> that money is desperately needed
>> for political ads."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Ann Landers
>>
>> "At every party there are two kinds
>> of people those who want to go home
>> and those who don't. The trouble is,
>> they are usually married to each other."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Ashleigh Brilliant
>>
>> "My opinions may have changed,
>> but not the fact that I'm right."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Benny Hill
>>
>> "Have you noticed that all the people in
>> favor of birth control are already born?"
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Bill Watterson
>>
>> "The surest sign that intelligent life
>> exists elsewhere in the universe is
>> that it has never tried to contact us."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Buddy Hackett
>>
>> "As a child my family's menu
>> consisted of two choices:
>> take it or leave it."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Caroline Rhea
>>
>> "My favorite machine at the gym
>> is the vending machine."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Casey Stengel
>>
>> "All right everyone,
>> line up alphabetically
>> according to your height."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Dave Barry
>>
>> "Never under any circumstances
>> take a sleeping pill and
>> a laxative on the same night."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Benjamin Franklin
>>
>> "Trouble knocked at the door, but,
>> hearing laughter, hurried away."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Edward Abbey
>>
>> "The duty of a patriot is to protect
>> his country from its government."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Emo Philips
>>
>> "How many people here have
>> telekinetic powers?
>> Raise my hand."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> George Burns
>>
>> "If you live to be one hundred,
>> you've got it made.
>> Very few people die past that age."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>

Burdened.

Shame!

Putin & Friends

https://theweek.com/cartoons?utm_campaign=cartoon_newsletter_20220301&utm_source=cartoon_newsletter&utm_medium=email&refid=EC00810C762AB56EC3E80756621BFB88

John Cole | Copyright 2022 Cagle Cartoons

Chip Bok | Copyright 2022 Creators Syndicate

Mike Luckovich | Copyright 2022 Creators Syndicate

Nick Anderson | Copyright 2022 Andrews McMeel Syndication

Steve Breen | Copyright 2022 Creators Syndicate

John Deering | Copyright 2022 Creators Syndicate

Clay Jones | Copyright 2022 Claytoonz.com

s

Steve Kelley | Copyright 2022 Creators Syndicate

David Horsey | Copyright 2022 Tribune Content Agency

Michael Ramirez | Copyright 2022 Creators Syndicate

Joe Heller | Copyright 2022 Hellertoon.com

Bill Bramhall | Copyright 2022 Tribune Content Agency--

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