Every piece of chocolate eaten shortens your life by two minutes. Seems I died in 1537.

 

 

 

It's a five-minute walk from my house to the pub It's a 35-minute walk from the pub to my house The difference is staggering!   Turns out it was a marble in the ashtray... Today I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."   People who wonder whether the glass is half empty or half full are missing the point… The glass is refillable.   They say every piece of chocolate eaten shortens your life by two minutes.  I've done the math. Seems I died in 1537.   I got myself a seniors' GPS.  Not only does it tell me how to get to my destination, it also tells me why I wanted to go there.

Most people don't think I'm as old as I am until they hear me stand up.        Had I known in March that it was the last time I would be in a restaurant, I would have ordered the dessert.     I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do it's because I've missed my exit.       LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE

  

 

 

 

 

(323) Bertha Benz: The journey that changed everything - YouTube

https://youtu.be/-lM1vzLYBjQ

Great ad, but I'd still never buy a benz.

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends
So Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz?

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a color TV?
Dialing for dollars is trying to find me
I wait for delivery each day until three
So oh Lord, won't you buy me a color TV?

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a night on the town?
I'm counting on you, Lord, please don't let me down
Prove that you love me and buy the next round
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a night on the town?
Everybody!

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends
So oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
That's it!

Lyrics by Janis Joplin, Bob Neuwirth and, indirectly, Michael McClure

--
Sent from my Linux system.

Propaganda

--   Sent from my Linux system.

Keep digging

 

Stress

Don't mess with old people (like me)

 

Some old ones and some new ones. But all good.....

 

 

 

 

Reprise of Getting Older

 

George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turnoff the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me ." Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy, you should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available" George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.   "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating them right now," and he hung up. Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.   One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"   (True Story)   Don't mess with old people A few chuckles for seniors. GETTING OLDER   A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.."   *********************** An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he askedto speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...." ( I LOVE THIS !) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love to hear them say "you don't look that old."   ------------------------------ --- The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. (Mostly because we forgot why we were waiting in line in the first place !!) ------------------------------ --- Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.   ******************** When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.   ------------------------------ - One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. ~~~~~~~~~~~ Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. ********* First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper... it's worse when you forget to pull it down. ```````````````` Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too... I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?" The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?' To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours." (ADORABLE)   ********************* (And this final one especially for me,) "Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth!"   Now, if you feel this doesn't apply to you . . . stick around awhile . . it will!

 

Good friends are like quilts,
they age with you and yet,
they never lose their warmth.
Take good care of them.

 

 

 

Hannity's attacks on Biden - or is he going after someone else?

If you're not tired of watching YouTube videos about raving lunatics, you might want to watch this one from the beginning. However, the link actually picks up where Kimmel is talking about Hannity.

Jimmy Kimmel Responds to Marjorie Taylor Greene After She Reported Him to Police

Jimmy Kimmel Responds to Marjorie Taylor Greene After She Reported Him t...

--

Sent from my Linux system.

(304) New Rule: Bath Salt Conservatism | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO) - YouTube

Bill Maher on the Republican Party. If foul language offends you (and I mean from the Republicans,
not Maher), don't click on the following link.

Glenn

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9MX37aA6lM

--
Sent from my Linux system.

Rock Chalk Jayhawk KU!

If you don't know what I'm babbling about, don't worry about it.

Glenn

--   Sent from my Linux system.

Fwd: FW: Old Car Ads

This one's for old-timers. 

Glenn

 

These are on a par with the old "cigarettes are good for you" ads! It's a wonder we survived!

YET WE SURVIVED. MAYBE THERE WERE BETTER DRIVERS BACK THEN?

 

 

 

(179) Last Week in the Republican Party - March 29, 2022 - YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNm6-1cvpXk

--
Sent from my Linux system.