Sunday, April 19, 2020

"A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory", and other paraprosdokians.

Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising
or unexpected and is frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them).

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ... but it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify..." I answered "a doctor."

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

18. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

19. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

20. A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.

21. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Nor is there any future in it.

22. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

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Absolute impunity -- Sent from my Linux system.