A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once ...

Phyllis Diller's Wisdom 

As your beauty fades,  so will his eyesight. -Phyllis Diller   Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?  -Phyllis Diller     Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing. -Phyllis Diller     The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. -Phyllis Diller   Best way to get rid of kitchen odors:  Eat out. -Phyllis Diller     A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. -Phyllis Diller   I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford.  Then I want to move in with them. -Phyllis Diller     We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up. -Phyllis Diller     What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. -Phyllis Diller   The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. -Phyllis Diller   His finest hour lasted a minute and a half. -Phyllis Diller     My photographs don't do me justice - they look just like me. -Phyllis Diller   Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children. -Phyllis Diller     The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. -Phyllis Diller   You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. Phyllis Diller